Don't deserve you
by Bella Gracelyn Prentiss
Summary: Callie's thoughts when she is running away from the Adams-Fosters. Takes place in Season 1 episode 10. Warning: I own nothing.
This story takes place in Season 1 episode 10, when Callie runs away. I just heard this song and had this one-shot fanfiction idea.

The song is: Don't deserve you by Plumb

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You're the first face that I see  
And the last thing I think about  
You're the reason that I'm alive  
You're what I can't live without  
You're what I can't live without

It's the middle of the night and Callie is all packed and ready to leave. She promised Jude earlier that she wouldn't be selfish anymore, and she meant it. If it she had to leave and leave behind the one person she truly loved. The person whose love she didn't deserve. And the family that loved her but whose love she didn't deserve. Before leaving, Callie pokes her head into Jude's room and watches him sleep for a while. She smiles softly. She doesn't know if she would have survived the foster system as long as she did if it wasn't for Jude. She probably would have killed herself or run away years ago, but she couldn't because she needed to be there for Jude. Now he has the chance to be adopted by a loving family, and he doesn't need her ruining it. Or at least that's what Callie believes as the words Jude told her earlier played over and over again in her head, 'You act like you care about me so much, but you don't. You only care about yourself. You're selfish'.

Callie sighs softly and whispers, "Goodbye Jude. I love you." Then she turns around and leaves, knowing that she can't prolong leaving any longer. The sooner she leaves, the farther away she can get.

You never give up  
When I'm falling apart  
Your arms are always open wide  
And you're quick to forgive  
When I make a mistake  
You love me in the blink of an eye

As Callie walked further and further away from the Adams-Foster home, she thought back to when she rescued Jude from their old foster home and how he opened his arms and hugged her so tight. She wondered how and when things could have gone so wrong now. Then she thought back to her first couple days with Stef and Lena and how Stef came to rescue when Callie went to rescue Jude. She recalled the words that Stef told her afterward, 'You're not disposable, Callie. You're...you're not worthless'. The memory made Callie smile, because she knew Stef had cared about her in that moment. Callie had put Stef's son, Brandon in danger that night because he was being held at gunpoint by Callie's old foster dad and yet Stef not only forgave her, but she also welcomed Callie back into her house. The woman that Callie had called a dyke the night before she told Callie that she wasn't worthless or disposable. The woman whose love Callie didn't deserve, but Jude did.

I don't deserve your love  
But you give it to me anyway  
Can't get enough  
You're everything I need  
And when I walk away  
Take off running and come right after me  
It's what you do  
And I don't deserve you

Looking out from the window of a red big rig, Callie can see her foster moms, Stef and Lena. She can tell from their faces that they are worried about her and that they love her, which is why they are looking for her. Callie wonders how they can love her after everything she's done to their family and with how damaged she is. They must think that if they love her enough it will fix her, but she can't be fixed. She's damaged beyond repair, or so she thinks. Callie is brought out of her thoughts when she hears her foster moms calling her name, especially Stef who is a lot louder than Lena. Callie sighs softly. She feels bad that she is hurting them so much, but after a while they'll stop looking for her and realize they're better off without her. Callie knows that she doesn't deserve their love which is why she'll never go back, but at the same time to longs for the love they give and she just wants to run into Lena's arms, hug her, and never let go.

You're the light inside my eyes  
Give me a reason to keep trying  
Give me more than I could dream  
And you bring me to my knees  
You bring me to my knees

Callie thinks back to everything that Stef and Lena have done for her. She thinks back to the day that Lena brought her home from Juvie, and how she had felt that day. And while Callie didn't show how she felt on the outside, on the inside she was smiling. She was so happy and glad that someone had chosen to take her in because they wanted to, and Callie knew that Lena wanted to help her because she could see the genuine love and care in Lena's eyes. She could see how sad Lena felt for her, and it made Callie so happy on the inside. She hadn't seen that look in anyone's eyes since before her mother had died. There was no doubt in Callie's mind that Lena was the one who could make her smile and return the light to her eyes.

Callie feels that Stef and Lena gave her more than she could dream of. They gave her love and helped her to feel safe and protected. They gave her the feeling that she belonged and they gave her and Jude a family again. She was so glad that they were going to and wanted to adopt Jude, even though she knew that after they found out that she and Brandon kissed they wouldn't want her anymore. She knew that they'd for sure send her back into the system, or so she thought. What she doesn't know is that none of what she thinks is true.

Your heart is gold and how am I the one  
That you've chosen to love  
I still can't believe that you're right next to me  
After all that I've done

In Callie's mind, Lena is so sweet, loving, and nurturing. The complete opposite of how Callie feels about herself. She can't understand how Lena could have chosen her to love and to care for. And after all that Callie has done, she can't believe that Stef and Lena have gone out of their way to search for her. Is it really possible that they love her that much, Callie thought? Is it really possible that they love her for who she is and that they don't care about the mistakes she makes? That they'll love her regardless of what she does? Callie snaps out of her thoughts and shakes her head. No it's impossible.

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Hope you enjoy. Comments are greatly appreciated.


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